Theyll never be able to hook you back in again. I know he has lined up a new source of supply, hopefully the wife finds out again and makes his life a living hell. The act of going No Contact (especially within the context of removing yourself from dysfunctional narcissistic family systems), is perfect because it offers fodder for their campaign. This leaves them feeling lonely and disconnected. Narcissists thrive on attention and when someone goes silent on us, our first instinct is to ask them whats wrong. This can take the form of: Leaving a narcissist is never easy, but in the long run, its probably for the best. Its normal to feel like you were silly for falling for a narcissist in the first place. Im excited for you though because this is the beginning of things being different for you, with every question you answer for yourself, you set yourself free bit by bit. To understand why narcissists discard, first we need to come to terms with the fact that the relationship was never what we thought it was. We all have our own unmet traumas from our past in this life and other lifetimes. Narcissist discard can take many forms and happens at varying times for different types of narcissists, but it is inevitable for those in a relationship with a narcissist. You will then receive an email that helps you regain access. as well as other partner offers and accept our, NOW WATCH: 'Shark Tank' star Barbara Corcoran: How I went from a 10-kid household and more than 20 jobs to become a real estate mogul. Maggie x (p.s. One is to prevent harm, the other is to cause harm. In any event, the N will never/ever change; therefore most like anything else that cant be treated it MUST be immediately cut out. Are you in a dither wondering if perhaps there is something to this? I will list seven questions I frequently hear from people who have been discarded by a narcissist. We had a 1 yr old & I was expecting our 2nd child. It is also employed to communicate your decreasing and contingent worth to the narcissist depending on your ability to meet their supply needs. She was two and I spent sixteen years with him sharing her or I thought instead he started grooming her as soon as she hit puberty by buying her things I could never even dream of and telling her I was a bad mom crazy you name it , he ended up giving more to my child while wrecking us than I ever had and I could not stop him even though my therapist said we have to get her away I could not she saw him as her dad she never had and a hero. Or, if I agreed with what he said, then Id just okayed his behaviour, with serves to strengthen his public storyline. This last past is important as they need you to see yourself as unlovable. Gorgeous one, do not let them! Narcissists require praise and ego-boosting, so theyre not likely to discard you before finding a new person (Narcissistic Supply) that can provide those things. Maggie x, Beautifully and succinctly written. If you live together theyll ignore your very existence and dish out their childish silent treatment. I've missed you so much!" "I'm so sorry if I hurt you. How to Make the Narcissist Miss You After the Discard 1. The narcissist will ghost you and move on with their new source of supply and flaunt it all over social media for your eyes to see. The reason we do not leave straight away is love. He got me kicked out AGAIN!!! They love the excitement of the chase, not the actual relationship. When they become disenchanted with one person in the group, they immediately move on to the next. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. There is never that concrete something we need for it to all fall into place & make sense. Regardless of the fact you are no longer in contact, if you fall for this they are still controlling and manipulating you. Lets drill down. The twisted thing is that in the narcissists warped reality, they genuinely think that you are the one doing all of the wrong things. I will then answer each of these questions to provide you with the insight and clarity that you need after this kind of experience. Every little piece of their bad behaviour that you see through and stand up against, all creates a strength in you that you may not even be aware of. Guess what, they had our unconditional love and didnt know what to do with our love thats their loss, !!! I need to makeit clear right from the beginning that being discarded by a narcissist is not your fault at all. Why narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding is so powerful for codependents, Why the narcissist chose you: Pathological envy, What happens when the narcissist knows youve figured them out, 3 signs the narcissist is preparing to discard you, Emotionally unhook yourself & starve the narcissist of supply: Heres how, Invalidation and narcissism: Why they slowly erase you, The narcissist's word salad: Stop biting now, Proof the narcissist abuses you intentionally and will never change. Once I left my husband and moved out, his true colours really came through. He would help by just making his own meals. The decision to go No Contact feels like the only available choice because: These circumstances force not only the conclusion that No Contact is necessary for survival, but also the devastating understanding that there will be no closure. Flying Monkeys Do they see the truth? It was not what I expected to witness from the father of my children. YOU DID IT !!! I mean, lets be honest, narcissists are emotional voids at the best of times. The narcissist in our lives is our daughter in law. Ive been his walking mat, & he has no more use for me. Whether a narcissist discards you permanently depends on three basic factors: As one narcissistic client told me: People are very interchangeable for me. Its good to know I am not alone. I had to leave in the middle of the night to not get pulled back and I have lost all my belongings. This handy little magnifying glass shines the light on getting at the truth of most narcissistic situations when doubting yourself begins to creep in. I think I have just been too traumatized from all the years of abuse with my first narc, my childhood, other relationships and now him. They have two children less than a year apart. Read up. As you can see from the above, many narcissists are quite willing to come back for as long as it suits their needs, while remaining oblivious to yours. Sure, you may need closure, but since when has this ever been about you? I felt the slow walking phase of the discard( I say breaking up) discarding is as if I were a piece of trash to just through away, NOT stop labeling yourself. Never date married men. Relaying messages through friends. Although ghosting also occurs in friendships, it's usually associated with dating. I'm a changed person now, just give me a chance to prove it to you." "I bought the kids Christmas gifts. He discarded me June 22. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "aa1077d4b8fb66e14d76c3b0b1869328" );document.getElementById("i2dc42b6e0").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. When they are done with you, they will dump you. They do not want anything or anyone to stand in their way. Well if only I had known after my first discard that really crushed me but at the time I was still battling just learning why and that I had been a codependent to this Narc for sixteen long years while raising my beautiful daughter from my first experience of a Narcissist sadly I fell a year after that one and ended up raising my daughter by him with the second Narc. In them, the two of you are the very picture of perfect love. Learn from experts and get insider knowledge. I choose my moment and said a couple of weeks later, its finished, we are clearly incompatible and Im going back to my apartment at the other end of the country. I am finally discarding the narc in my life. I need them for what they do for me, not because I like them for themselves. But what lies beyond this gross over-simplification? Lets have a look at why the narcissist discards the people they so readily pretend to care about and how they do it. Once the narcissist sees no more value in you (as in, they can no longer siphon you for your resources), they wont bother trying to hoover you back in. That is the ultimate win, as you will then have the ability to go on and live the amazing, healthy life that you were always meant to live. But equally, 100% true. They do not have the resources to look within at their own wounds when something is triggered within them. If your partner is preoccupied with texts and calls from friends or coworkers you werent previously aware of, this is likely the first sign of an upcoming discard. Its like they are checked out of reality; they are delusional people. They may leave you suddenly and rationalize it in any of a number of ways. Then you find out that you failed the exam. The narcissist will eventually leave you alone as they move on to their next victim who will provide them with a newfound well of ego-boosting attention. Even though odds are that they are the ones who should be apologising, the feeling of being deleted from their world is so intense. One of the best things you can do for yourself after being discarded by a narcissist is to talk about it. Butafter a while the novelty of enacting the loving couple wears off and they lack the ability to stay emotionally connected to you once things are less than perfect. The act of ghosting reflects on key traits of a narcissist, particularly low- self-esteem, obsession with perceived power and being in control, and lack of concern for others. She has a supply shes been using for close to 3 years and is ready to move over. In true narcissist form, it was never her fault. Unfortunately, the love-bombing has little to do with you and a lot to do with the exhilaration the narcissist is feeling about themselves. Many victims of narcissistic abuse are afraid of losing friends and family members when the narcissist claims they can be turned against them. I explained to cops and dropped me off here. Wordfence is a security plugin installed on over 4 million WordPress sites. The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. Im sending you buckets of light & love as you embark on your healing journey gorgeous one. In fact, in the narcissists delusional world, they actually believe that they are the victim and you the abuser. As weve already touched on, narcissists love to display their new supply to anyone and everyone, including all over social media. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Seeing Through the Narcissist's Mask Ascending to a Higher Vibration. about 3 weeks into my new apt. Another motivation for narcissist ghosting is after the discard. Im currently in this exactly position. Maybe I didnt pick up on it until much later? You pull yourself together, get prepared and with all that effort, you take the test and pass. If you think back to how your ex behaved during the relationship, you are likely to be able to recognize him as belong to one of the following three groups. They will gaslight you and manipulate your memories and reality in such a way as to try and make you take the blame for the abuse and their poor behaviours. Watch up. I know he wants to end things in person with me because he said he wants to have a serious talk in person and not via text. I am in a bad situation with no family/friends and no money to evict. They push you away with the hope or even expectation that you come grovelling back to them. This may be in the form of outright ghosting your messages and calls, right through to not being available for you at all. This constant self-questioning is yet one more outcome of having suffered narcissistic abuse. ), Closure Letter to a Narcissist + Burn & Release Ceremony. I win. I was on to her immediately. We ended up moving house! 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