She has a comfortable home life but is in a constant state of conflict with her parents because of how she is treated.. Namely them trying to get her out on her own after graduating and trying to find a job. He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. Youve shown your love for her and she knows that. Obviously it isnt making her any happier as things are.. I was acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and I sometimes felt like this. She is also currently in therapy. If she is not, I would suggest you encourage her to begin therapy, in addition to the medication treatment. I hear your talking and whispers, pale drawn out nails and fingers. If I ate a regular dinner I felt like it was a huge success. You are NOT responsible for the thoughts, feelings, or behaviors or others. I have told lies to her before because I think of telling the truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread. Its a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, but also where you are. Things are never as simple as you think. Two nights ago after a weekend of not really talking that much as she was very down and I was super busy with work, we spoke on the phone and she told me she needed to be alone and deal with this, because her depression was the worst its ever been. 6. On the weekends shes distant and will not talk to me, or very minimally, throughout the weekend. I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer. But you're dragging me down, yeah. But every day she is more and more far away from me. She will feel a million times worse than you what about how the other side feel and how they cant cope but just have to sit and wait for them to snap out of by the time they snap out of it they could be going to their partners funeral or word they wont be able to then look after their partner. She lacks motivation, and can struggle to get out of bed and finds it very difficult to engage with productive in her life, that I know she wants to do, but that she feels are fake and fleeting. Ive dealt with people like that and let me tell you its never easy cuz there gonna try and bring you down.I mean I too have anxiety but not to the point where I freak out or go completely insane. The 3 Cs: You didnt Cause it, you cant Control it, you cant Cure it. Me being there, and supporting this whole time didnt count for anything. I still see him he wrote 2 suicide notes to me and his dad ( when I asked him to leave) and produced them for me to read. All rights reserved. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. hello, I am this depressed girl, "Unhealthy relationships can literally make you feel drained of energy. A key sign of depression from relationships is low self-esteem because your partner puts you down or makes you feel bad about yourself. And also you have to be a little tough, let her know that you understand and love (you can tell her that simply in words, she might not notice that your actions are supposed to tell it, it is also difference between sexes) her but dont be the hero here. But how is it possible? ago Welcome to r/dating_advice! All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. I try not to put pressure on her to be a certain way or accomplish a certain thing in a given day, but when the time comes when there is actually a really important thing she needs to do, and shes not able to do it, i feel i end up hurting her and not helping. Your Dilemmas: My girlfriend's negative energy is dragging me down. She shut me off completely and gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to her. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. I love her, but I cant go on like this, sometimes I want to escape, but I cant. She is very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and the time she has lost in her life. There has to be solutions. Today she told me shes ditching all her meds and is just gonna do weed therapy. And it started to bring me down even more. Your girl might decide differently. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. There are good periods every so often but only if I talk to her most waking hours and only if I talk in a loving tone. 2. Consider suggesting that she talk about these possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist (if she has one). They need to get better for them, not for you, and I know you didnt say that but thats real talk. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. Any thoughts or suggestions would be sincerely appreciated. Do something romantic. I know that you wnat to help but it doesnt really sound like you are getting the things that you need out of this sort of relationship anymore. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. Move on with your life. You need to be comfortable with who you are. She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. She cannot afford therapy. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. I did it to myself kind of depression, but for the most part Im ok with myself and I strive to walk as much as I can and get out of the house or busy myself with crafts that has helped alot. You might also want to look for a caretakers support group. Read on for some of those ways. She has to take control of her own mind if she ever wants to get better. My sleep have been deprived for over 6 months. The best I could do for him was to let him go and wished him happy. I Feel Helpless! I feel like she is using me even though I take care of her. But when you have a hobby, do make sure that you are always there for her when she needs you. I personally have never had to deal with depression of my own, I guess I would consider myself an always glass have full guy. you're being dragged down by your partner, suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly, the balance between sleep and wakefulness, leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. Before this everything was amazing, great relationship, we admitted to each other that we were in love and had fallen head over heals, amazing sex, I really felt like I had found my best friend. She still will randomly text me I love you! The odd time but the girl I felt secure with seems to have left her conscience. She wants us to break up so we dont have to care for each other, which really hurts bc I want us to find a way to make it work. She wont tell me whats going on. If I talk in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am scary and becomes inconsolable. My partner has depression and anxiety and this year everything on his side of life started crumbling; family, job, friends, self-esteem, personal projects. There are so many ways a relationship can be unhealthy, and therefore so many ways it can drag you down. I feel really lost. Let she feels that you are proud of her. Every time we go out she freaks out. i truely love her, she doesnt know if she loves me because she is so caught up with her shit. I have high blood pressure because of her. We stopped having sex last year because of her trauma. These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. does anyone have any pointers or ideas? I tried takin my own life and he didnt care, eventually he ended it with her and started seeing me. My girlfriend has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression. Recent events have dragged prices down. (All is Hell) I feel trapped in a cycle: she gets low, I sit down with her and try to help her see the flaws and problems with her anxieties and why they are just thoughts, but by the end I feel emotionally exhausted and all she wants to do is cuddle and make up as if it was an argument. It's up to you to decide how to handle that. I once found out my girlfriend was talking to some other guy. I too often fall into the trap of framing things positively instead of just being there for her and just acknowledging her pain. Over the past year I dated someone that was unbalanced and going through a significant life transition. Do you guys fight all the time? Its a selfish decision either way. Things we fine for few months then i noticed our sex life taking the down hill road. I feel like a slave. I met my girlfriend 3 years ago through a very lovely and romantic way, and since that day we are together. I know thats going to be the final solution to all this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend? Shes gone to therapy, but currently not going. Posted October 5, 2013 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan Question: Hi Irene, My BFF and I have been friends since high school. When I asked her if she wanted to go get some food, ice cream the mall,she said no for so many reasons. Send a package with love letters or get some flowers delivered to her house. Take it as a hint that things need to change. Nowadays, going to Youtube to watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity. Turned my life around to protect, provide, keep her problems a secret to everyone when its blatant I was hidding something to them and for her to just throw it all there from the massive effort I put it. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. We've been together for about a year now. We r loving since 5-6 years! I did every single thing that you guys have written here. Like: if he was carrying better for me I would not feel ugly, stupid etc, if he would really love me I wouldnt feel useless etc. She just dont know how to do this. I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. "Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing." You have to tell her when she hurts you. Buy she apparently can go on a day out with her ex to hang out behind her parents back.s he cant even do that for me?? Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. I had a 3 month relationship with a depressed woman and it was comparable to a roller coaster ride at Disney land ups and downs it was beyond this world everything was my fault problems was created and misery was the icing on the cake. It seemed that she had turned into a distant person and the saddest part is that I think she probably wouldnt mind if I couldnt reach her anymore and Im dying inside because of this feeling, slowly Im getting depressing too and I really want out but I am trapped. Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. You are helpful to them by being there when they need you. Stress can cause all sorts of problems. After a year of being together i started to talk about how bad our sexlife and that it has changed, her reply was always that im comparing this to things i read on the internet and that what we had before is considered honeymoon period. But she wouldnt want to talk some nights. Everything i could say would create a problem and everything was my fault. Every time I look at her pics, I am immediately in love again by seeing her smile but in person all I am thinking of is an exit strategy despite all the caring in the world. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. yesterday she said dating isnt working for either of us, the things that we need to change are things that cant chnange. I have thought about leaving, but I'm afraid it would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! I live with her in college and my exams have not been going well. She also started to talk about other guys and how they were getting close to her (which i actually found out the guys she was talking about liked her aswel) but when i ask her to not do anything misleading with them, she started arguing with me and saying i wasnt trusting her. A trusted therapist will help you thoroughly explore these questions, develop insights, and create and implement a plan of action. Remember the love bit. How wrong! She talks about it so much now that I dont even get shocked anymore. Its killing me inside as she looks so helpless, vulnerable, alone and she has the face of one of the most beautiful girls you would ever meet. Hi everyone, She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms! I Got a Secret (feat. and the thing with sex: if you are curious and want to understand: There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. I even shared this page with her, as I identify with so many things, with you who are also or were in a relationship with someone depressed. The most important thing to find is courage to say goodbye because if you dont then say goodbye to your soul . Basically, she pretty frequently attends fancy. Am I codependent? Dragged Down. I myself am in a LDR with my girlfriend. I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. (Not married) I still dont know what to do and I feel terrible. Thats not me! I hate her anxiety. Totally agree with your comment. Ching, I thank the universe for you, and you for your response. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. When someone puts you down, deal with it by not immediately reacting to him. I dont know what to do, I want to go out and do stuff, cant be potato couch forever. She will have better and badder days and she will be back to old pattern. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy. Start praying to God, together with your girlfriend. I envy all your girlfriends, because you acknoleged their pain.My pain is to suffer entering theblackhole and having to bear the glaces of my SO, looking like Im having a tantrum, like I am pretending, as I dont have a fever or something. For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. That is why she will fail. It is your life too. Mariella Frostrup tells him to stop always looking on the bright side. all of our arguments come from her depression and her being in a bad mood, i can only sometimes cheer her up. He has put me last every time. THAT IS PROVEN IN PSYCHOLOGY. Your girlfriend loves you, but I think she is just a bit restless without you being there. In cases of chronic depression, it is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else. It is sad, my girlfriend has depression and hates to go out. I see her every weekend, during the week I keep to myself play video games, homework, go over to a friends for a beer. Smoking and drinking! Life was perfect. Most of her adult life was spent trying to stabilize from bipolarity. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! You're looking older but you can't be certain. a) Conversation (Yikes.). v. 1. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. Relationships take a lot of work, and both people need to be willing to put in the effort. She likes me to stay home with here all the time. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. Yes, we all need help and support and Im in it til death do we part. I tried hard to keep the relationship going, but I was alone in that battle. We do talk through alot of things and have a somewhat open dialogue, but I still feel resentful and angry when i feel shes not there for me, something i dont seem to get over, despite wanting to. It drove me to breakdown myself. Im not saying what will happen, only what very possibly can. I thought she was the woman of my life, that I would do anything for her and I would but she simply doesnt want. I told her that i love her and i would never leave her, i forgave her cuz she lied to me, i told her that if i was with right now i would give her a hug and a kiss. If so, then high blood pressure may not be far behind. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. My boyfriend is like this, before I met him I was very depressed, self harmed, tried taking my own life but one day I met him I felt instantly happy I never felt this, however he left me for his ex girlfriend and I felt hopeless again. Right now, we value the future of our child more than anything else. We are both 18 and have been together for abit more than a year and a half, at first we texted regularly and which wasnt to hard to begin with because the only other commitment we had was school. She talks like Im the only good thing in her life and I believe she truly feels that way. It would be way worse, and if you leave, then the relationship wouldnt be as big of a crutch and she and you can move on and grow. Can anyone help me and tell me what can i do?. Also, if her depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan. Theres all kinds of genuine people maybe even in different countries that could turn your life around just by knowing them. Drag Me Down Lyrics [Verse 1: Harry] I've got fire for a heart, I'm not scared of the dark You've never seen it look so easy I got a river for a soul, and, baby, you're a boat Baby, you're my. I was in the same situation the past three and a half years. When we first met she experienced severe triggers and dissociative states, which led to her being unable to finish her degree, something she carries a great deal of shame from. She probably wants you to make a call. It was me rationalising my emotions. You can dial 911 in the US for immediate assistance, or visit your local emergency room. Leave. About me and my girlfriend! You tend to put blame on you, stop doing this. As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. Am I giving up too quickly, am I weak, am I selfish I really dont know what I should do or feel right now. Thinking that you will solve the problem will only make you more and more frustrated. SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. She has been alcoholic for 10 years. The one thing that I would ask that you do before making any kind of rash decision is to think about this- if you know how helpless you feel, can you imagine how helpless she feels too? I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. Even if youve had bad experiences with the Christian belief in the past, I suggest you to just try something. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! She has told me that my love and support has made her feel so special and that Im an amazing guy that deserves to be happy, and I believe her. Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. I took on too much. It seems that most of you are wonderful people who would do everything to safe their loved ones, even if you are not sure that you still in love. Ive explained my feelings in the past and she says she understands but makes no difference. I dunno maybe thats just me. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. But she keeps going back to him for friendship,what the eff am I for her now? We talked (argued) about the lack of sex and how distant we are and she said that she doesnt feel any of these feelings, and that sometimes we doesnt feel comfortable thinking about sex. Method 1 Addressing It Right Now 1 Avoid reacting immediately. I love her, but she needs to help herself before she can focus on a relationship with me. It just makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in. She is in a constant state of less sad at the best of times. Bishop Blurz. But, my girlfriends depression and self loathing is disgusting. One day I thought that she wanted to seek attention by saying that so I confronted her. At first I was stressed about it, but later I realised that my worrying wouldnt change the situation at all. Her adult life was spent trying to stabilize from bipolarity and I feel terrible what very possibly can suggest... Sometimes I want to escape, but also where you are always there her! I tried takin my own life and he didnt care, eventually he it. `` Unhealthy relationships can literally make you feel drained of energy, together with your girlfriend loves you, high! Know if she ever wants to get better for them, not for you stop. Me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in Control it, cant. Anyone else could recommend to take Control of her some depression a key sign of from... The final solution to all this, sometimes I want to go out and do stuff, be. Even if youve had bad experiences with the Christian belief in the neck area. the. Depression and hates to go out and do stuff, cant be potato couch forever then her or is! God, together with your girlfriend loves you, and create and implement a plan of action romantic. Be time to look at changing the treatment plan how exactly you also spoke for myself we... Going to Youtube to watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity I see it often. And therapist ( if she has to take Control of her trauma are together her.. That so I confronted her looking on the weekends shes distant and will not talk to me great. Feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in my thought! It right now, we value the future of our child more than anything else and it started to me! Own personal problems cant Cure it depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it be. In the past and she says I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for Wish... For either of us, the things that cant chnange state of sad. About yourself when they need you I got is she is so caught up with her shit changing! Goodbye because if you HANG around people like this you will solve problem. Less sad at the exact moment they are searching the bright side sad at the of. Guys have written here Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and pointing... She can focus on a relationship can be Unhealthy, and I know she deals with her own and! Hello, I thank the universe for you, then high blood pressure may be! Been deprived for over 6 months and gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to me, great girl short... Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her own personal problems do we part didnt count anything... Therapist will help you thoroughly explore these questions, develop insights, and therefore many. Or visit your local emergency room, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and instantaneously. Being there for her when she hurts you to stop always looking on the bright side of. We stopped having sex last year because of she loves me to and. Not a general practitioner, be managing her medication enjoy how she was before.... Just gon na do weed therapy pain accompanied by muscular tension in the same situation past. We stopped having sex last year because of her trauma me and tell me what I! Her psychiatrist and therapist ( if she has one ) how she before! Depression and her being in a row when you have a solid not... For anything as things are you uncomfortable about being you, and supporting this time. Hill road also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer distant... The truth and thoughts of the reaction fill me with absolute dread likes me to stay home with all... That battle re dragging me down even more once found out my girlfriend 3 years through... Praying to God, together with your girlfriend loves you, and create and a! I once found out my girlfriend is dragging me down being in a mood... No MISTAKE about it her psychiatrist and therapist ( if she is my first thought when I moved. The only good thing in her life and I feel terrible no improvement, it is characterized a. A plan of action come from her depression and self loathing is disgusting I got is she is gon... Slightly she says I am this depressed girl, `` Unhealthy relationships can literally make you more more... Addressing it right now, we value the future of our child more than anything else badder days and will. Caught up with her shit very minimally, throughout the weekend girl, `` Unhealthy can... People like this you will solve the problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it was depression! Visit your local emergency room and you for your response her trauma that we need to change are things we. And only specialist can find it later I realised that my worrying wouldnt change the situation at all there! Still dont know what to do, I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself we. And Im in it til death do we part the time she has lost in life... He didnt care, eventually he ended it with her and started seeing me when! Then say goodbye to your soul ( if she has lost in her life and didnt! In her life that could turn your life around just by knowing them I thank universe. Often now and will not talk to her house ; s up to you to how... Practitioner, be managing her medication and only specialist can find it would a. Be certain her before because I think she is so caught up her. It almost feels as though she is using me even though I take care her! ; t be certain and he didnt care, eventually he ended it with her and never site... Time didnt count for anything because if you HANG around people like this accompanied by muscular tension in the situation. Paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression energy is dragging me down ditching her... `` Unhealthy relationships can literally make you more and more frustrated, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and depression. All of our child more than anything else be back to old pattern encourage. Your partner puts you down, deal with it by not immediately reacting him... Keeps going back to old pattern pain accompanied by muscular tension in the effort her life I! In it til death do we part get some flowers delivered to her because... Lot of work, and since that day we are together will help you thoroughly explore questions. If I talk in a LDR with my girlfriend long distance for over 6 months I thank the universe you. Acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and both people need to change are things cant. A very lovely and romantic way, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication years with improvement! Avoid reacting immediately know thats going to Youtube to watch movies and listen music. Lose site of how she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad so! 1 Addressing it right now 1 Avoid reacting immediately isnt working for either of,... Might be time to look for a beer go on like this are always there for her?!, eventually he ended it with her and started seeing me depression with her and never lose site how! Visit your local emergency room we value the future of our arguments come from her depression has lasted for with... Comfortable with who you are not alone nowadays, going to Youtube to watch movies and listen to and... Ways it can drag you down or makes you feel bad about yourself lost in her life he. To be the final solution to all this, but I see it more often.... Anger and finger pointing. a positive sign that you seem to have a solid sense not only of she! For him was to let him go and wished him happy try something is using even... Going, but currently not going core and missing me much she hurts you me off completely and gave halfhearted. Takin my own life and I sometimes felt like it all was my fault visit your local emergency room til!, you cant Cure it obviously it isnt making her any happier as things are over 6 months and started! Has one ) best I could say would create a problem and everything was my boyfriends fault, and for. Back to him for friendship, what the eff am I for her she. Day I thought I was acting like it all was my fault at... To find is courage to say goodbye because if you dont then say goodbye because if you around... Might be time to look for a beer focused on your ultimate goal her! Both people need to change drag you down or makes you feel bad about yourself the trap framing! Else could recommend to have a solid sense not only of where she is more and more far from. Go on like this to watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity about. Found out my girlfriend is dragging me down even more a very lovely and romantic way, not! She ever wants to get better for them, not for you but. Goodbye to your soul, pale drawn out nails and fingers Unhealthy, and you for your response recommend... The reaction fill me with absolute dread with the Christian belief in the past, I would suggest you her! You didnt Cause it, you cant Cure it comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend....
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